


Her Sin Was Envy

by Jacrispea



Series: Jake x Hannah [2]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Jealousy, Project at Eden's Gate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22341670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: Jacob and Hannah's relationship struggles as Jacob's PTSD intensifies.And when a new woman is seen with him after Jacob pushes her away, Hannah finds herself giving into her sin.
Relationships: Jacob Seed & Original Character(s)
Series: Jake x Hannah [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608169
Comments: 18
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who's cared about Han x Jake! Or read any of their stories/listened to me obsess. 
> 
> Especially to my friends Blumoongoddess216, Fluttyseed, Samwhich and Darkphoenix-24 who lend me their creativity when my well runs dry. ♥️ You guys are the best!

For the first time in a long time, things were unsettled. 

Tense. 

Hannah felt it almost immediately but as the days went on, her anxiousness devoured her. Jacob had retreated; spending most of his time at St. Francis or busying himself with repairs at the Compound. No longer did he come to her, basked in moonlight as she waited up for him on the porch of her cabin. In fact, it had been a week since he had shared her bed at all; making sleep near impossible for her after becoming reliant on his comfort when she woke from the nightmares that still plagued her. 

Sighing, she stood glancing up at the balcony of the Vet Center, in hopes he would sense her and emerge. When he didn't, she was forced to enter and head up the stairs with a pit in her stomach. 

"Lookin' for the boss?" Dylan asked when she approached the bottom of the staircase leading to Jacob's quarters. He was, of course, quite capable of taking care of himself but had one or two guards on standby just in case. 

"Yeah. Is he upstairs?" Hannah asked hopefully. 

"Office, I think."

She nodded with a kind smile and headed up the stairs reluctantly. She couldn't understand what was going on with him lately. They hadn't fought but he was growing distant from her and she needed to know why. 

As she faced the double doors to his office, she contemplated entering unannounced but chose at the last second to knock instead. A minute passed before the door opened and Jacob stood with his hands running through his messy hair. 

"Han?"

"Were you sleeping?" 

"Uh, no... just looking over something. Whatcha doing here?" he asked, glancing over her quickly. 

This wasn't the response she had hoped for. 

"I.. well, I haven't seen you in a bit. Thought maybe we could take a walk or something? Maybe go hunt down some..."

"I'm too busy," he interrupted. His tone was soft but she could sense his impatience already. When her smile faded, Jacob couldn't help but feel the sting of guilt at knowing he had caused it. "Look, I just need some time. Things are busy and.."

"Did I do something?" she asked quickly, reaching for the sleeve of his jacket. 

As her fingers connected, Jacob pulled back and retreated into the office slightly. He couldn't allow her to be here, not until he sorted things out. Not until the nightmares and flashbacks faded again. 

It hadn't happened in so long that he had forgotten how bad things could get but lately, the memories were flooding back at full force and even during the day, he was left shaken and angry. If he lost control and took it out on someone else, that was one thing but to hurt her... he wouldn't allow it. She meant too much to him. 

"No. I just need some time alone for a bit," he tried to explain, knowing her inquisitive mind wouldn't be satisfied with that. But if he let her know the truth, she would want to be present all the more; wanting to comfort him. "I just need a break."

"From me," she said softly. Hannah's heart weighed heavy as the words hit her. 

"Yeah," he replied but quickly stopped himself, knowing she would take it the wrong way. "Well, no.. I just mean.."

"It's fine, Jacob," she answered quickly. 

Before he had a chance to reply, she was already on the stairs, darting down them and out if sight. He watched until she left and hurried to the balcony, throwing the doors open and watching the yard until she came into view. 

Her posture and smile were casual and light as she passed the guards but as she reached the dirt road, he noticed her hands ball into fists at her side. 

She was pissed, and rightfully so. Still, he couldn't chance it. He would just have to take the risk and hope she would forgive him when he managed to pull himself out of the spiral he was in. 

\---

Hannah was a mess by the time she arrived back to her cabin. Anger and fear had overcome her sadness but when Boomer ran to meet her and let her sink to her knees and hold him, she was in tears. 

She couldn't understand what was happening and the loss of control she felt was overwhelming. Things had been good between them... not perfect but with their personalities, how could it ever be? The last five months had been happy ones for her. And by the way he had been changing, she assumed the same was true for him. 

He had admitted he loved her. So where did things go wrong? 

"Oh, Boom.. don't look at me like that," Hannah chuckled as she wiped at her eyes. "I'm just being an idiot. C'mon. Let's get you fed."

Her companion followed behind, close on her heels as he always was until they were safely inside the cabin. Rummaging through the fridge, she found some left over turkey for Boomer and a can of ravioli for her. She'd drown her sorrows in processed carbs, she decided. 

As the pot boiled away on the stove, Hannah walked to the window and stared out into the horizon. Giving herself a pep talk that tomorrow would be better and that she would refuse to wallow in sadness. 

She over thought things; it was her nature. But she knew without a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong with Jacob this time and that it had to do with her. 

\---

The next few days went by without another tear, which Hannah was grateful for. She had kept herself busy with reading; though her favorites were still at St. Francis, she had kept some at her old cabin as well. When boredom struck, she wrote - a thing she hadn't done since the night of the arrest but something she missed dearly. Now her tattered notebook was full of poems and blurbs about the characters she had abandoned. 

It was comforting to her to revisit those old friends she had grown to adore over the years. 

Now, it was Sunday and church service was scheduled as it always was. From the driver's seat of her broken down civic, she watched the gates of the Compound from the side of the road where she had stopped, unsure whether to proceed. 

It would be expected. Joseph had told her so when she made her intentions clear that she was to stay with the Project. His followers needed to know she was serious and in order for trust to be built, a weekly appearance on her end was negotiated. 

Before, it was easy. She had Jacob to lead her into the church and sit with in their normal pew, whispering to one another when Joseph was out of earshot. But today, she would be alone and the feeling was overwhelming her. Still, she knew she had to be strong and doing this alone was something she could manage. 

When Hannah finally parked and approached the church, she was surprised to see most of the congregation already inside. Apparently she had sat longer than she had planned and was now late. Hurrying inside, she glanced around until she found Faith on the right side of the church, sitting alone. The girl watched the alter with sad eyes until she hear Hannah approach and tilted her head up with a huge smile. 

"Hannah, I didn't think you were coming!"

"I'm late," she grumbled, scanning the room. She searched for Jacob of course but chose not to indulge his sister in the details. "Is everyone already here?" 

"Yes. My brothers are around back though, discussing some matters. When I saw Jacob without you, I feared you were ill," Faith told her, with a look of concern on her face. 

Hannah chose to stay quiet, feeling the lump growing in her throat. When Faith continued to watch her, she flashed a smile in her friend's direction, hoping to stop her unusually accurate intuition. 

_Praise the father!_

Hannah and Faith stood as if by some mechanics that had been hardwired into them. The signal - Joseph was near. When she turned, the rest of the congregation had risen with them, watching with smiles and sometimes yelling praises as the brothers piled into the church. Joseph stopped and took the hands of a few, thanking others as he passed along with John who was soaking in the attention as he normally did. Behind them, Jacob sauntered in - keeping his gaze fixed in front of him - with a woman at his side. 

Hannah felt the lump return to her throat. 

She was a Chosen - she knew that by the Hunter's jacket she adorned - but she was a new face to Hannah who would have recognized the olive skin and warm caramel coloured eyes if she had seen them before. A beauty like hers wasn't one to forget with her soft brown waves that were pulled to a high ponytail that bounced as she walked; swaying her hips with every step. 

Unconsciously, Hannah rubbed at the 'Envy' tattoo on the back of her left arm. This woman's appearance was too perfectly timed with Jacob's recent mood. And as much as she wanted to shake that and tell herself she was being irrational, she couldn't. Not when this doe eyed princess was giving quick glances to her.. her... Jake. 

"Hannah, we can sit," Faith whispered while tugging on her arm. 

Glancing around at the crowd who was now sitting, Hannah shook her head slightly and sat lightly beside Faith who was watching her with worried eyes. 

"My brothers and sisters," Joseph started, spreading his arms wide in a gesture of welcome. "My family and I are so joyful to see you here. The Project, our flock.. has been growing. More and more people have been drawn to our cause and it is because of all of you and your devotion. And to my brothers and sister who have cleared the path for us to march."

Joseph smiled warmly to Faith which she returned. But beside her, Hannah could feel the girl tremble the slightest bit. 

"And perhaps my greatest thanks is to our deputy," Joseph continued, bringing his gaze to Hannah. "Who has shown the sinners that we are the way to salvation. Who has laid down her weapons and joined us. And... who has been a God send for our family, particularly my brother."

Hannah felt her stomach lurch as she tried to remain calm. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Jacob shifted on his feet from his usual spot at Joseph's side. Beside him, his Chosen watched his face. 

She couldn't say what happened after that. What words were said. What songs were sung. From there on out, the only thing Hannah heard were the screams of self doubt and fear. And the pulse of hatred for this woman she prayed she'd never see again.


	2. Chapter 2

As the church doors opened, Jacob watched from his pew as Hannah bolted for the door; cheeks red and eyes on the floor as she hurried along. His hands twitched at his sides as she disappeared, knowing he should run after her but not sure what good it would do. 

"Jacob," a small voice whispered from behind him. Faith's delicate fingers touched at his coat as she gazed up at his worried face, causing him to flinch at the contact. "She needs you." 

"She's fine."

"She's not herself. I won't ask what happened... but.. you need to go. I'll tell Joseph you'll be back."

Jacob glanced behind him to Joseph who was standing with John and a few followers, conversing about the sermon. When neither of his brothers looked back to him, he nodded at Faith and walked briskly down the aisle. 

"Jacob? Sir?" his Chosen called after him but he refused to turn back. Faith was right. He had to at least speak with Hannah before she left. As much pain as he was in at the moment, he still hated to see her affected by it. 

Outside, Jacob swept the area until he recognized the same worn out hoodie she always wore, weaving through the crowd. People were touching her arm and calling to her as she went - a regular celebrity she had become since she had atoned and joined the Project. Normally Hannah would take a moment to speak a few pleasantries but today, she moved past them like a woman possessed. 

Jacob jogged after her until she had reached her car, and stopped to call out after her. She turned before ducking into the car, just long enough to make eye contact. 

And then she was gone. 

\---

"Mother fucker," Hannah hissed as she tore through the backroads of the Henbane. 

How had she been so stupid? These Seeds were all the same... self centered, righteous, and unstable. She didn't believe he would cheat on her - no, Jacob was a man of honour afterall - but to bring another woman to church when they were going through whatever the hell this was... Hannah just couldn't believe how ballsy it was. She had ever right to stroll over there, grab this woman by the back of the head and slam her face into the pew.

_Deep breath_

Hannah leaned her head back to the seat when she saw her destination up ahead. Things had calmed down with the Rye's and Adelaide after a long and awkward time apart but it was Hurk and Sharky who had been loyal and empathetic to her right from the get go. If anyone could cheer her up, it would be those two. 

As she pulled into the trailer park, Hurk stood from his plastic lawn chair and waved enthusiastically, meeting her at the car as she parked. 

"Hey amigo! Sharky and me were thinkin' you up and disappeared on us. It's been awhile, man."

Hannah smiled, loving the innocence he brought to every conversation. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that Hurk. You could always come visit me though!" 

"In those creepy ass mountains? No thank yooou. What brings you here? Got another adventure for your old crime fightin' sidekicks?" Hurk asked excitedly. 

"What the hell happened?" a deep voice called out from the other side of the car. Hurk and Hannah both turned to see Sharky glide over; shirtless and mischievous looking. "If that face gets any redder, you'd pass for a tomato."

"Long story, shirtless wonder," Hannah shot back.

"Dep's worried she'll end up falling for me," Sharky laughed, heading towards the trailer with a wave of his hand, the others close behind. 

"I reckon ole Jake and Bake would have something to say about that, cuz. Then you'd have all those Peggie motherfuckers knocking at your door."

Hannah frowned at the mention of Jacob, letting the image of the beautiful woman who snuck glances at him in a way that was far too familiar to her. She kept her eyes down until they were inside and Sharky closed the door behind them, giving her a concerned look. 

"Is it the shirt? Cause I didn't expect you to show up.. I can throw one on."

"Calm down Fabio, it's not you. I'm just dealing with some stuff," Hannah explained. Sharky crossed the cluttered room to grab his hoodie, jutting his chin out to her as a means to continue as he covered his naked chest. "It's nothing.. I don't want to talk about it. So please, both of you stop staring at me like that."

"We're family, man. You need to open up and talk shit through and we're here for that," Hurk offered. He plopped down on the couch, patting the seat next to him. 

"Hurk's right, Dep. If something's eating at ya, we're your dudes," Sharky agreed, taking the seat that was intended for Hannah. When Hurk shot him a dirty look, Hannah couldn't help but relax. She took a seat in the armchair Sharky had pushed to one side of the room and sighed heavily before nodding in agreement. 

\---

"Girl, those Seeds are as shady as they come - you know how I feel about them - but one thing that ginger giant ain't, is a cheater. Guy's crazy in love with you," Sharky assured her once Hannah had finished her story, including the distance, the unusual behaviour and now her own jealousy. 

"Agreed, amigo. Else me and Sharky here would probably be one of those brain-dead Peggies wandering around here," Hurk said matter-of-factly. When Sharky gave him a questioning look, he continued. "Ole Jake is protecting us.. all your friends too, as far as I can tell. Don't imagine he's doing that for anyone but you."

Hannah smiled, thinking back to the night she had pleaded with Jacob to call off his flock and to protect her former allies from his brothers. She had expected an argument, a negotiation but in return, she was given a _"Don't worry Han."_

Jacob had so many layers - ones that might get missed due to his stoic exterior, but Hannah had peeled them back almost immediately, finding the softness inside of him that few would ever know. 

Without realizing, she wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and glanced out the window, catching something out of the corner of her eye. Standing, with a finger raised to her friends, she watched as the unmistakeable hunting coat fluttered behind the man darting through the woods at the perimeter of the property. 

"What is it, Hannie?" Sharky whispered. 

"Chosen. He knows I'm here."

\---

Hannah had never intended to stay even even one night but now, after waking up on the fourth day on Sharky's couch, she was determined to drag herself and Boomer home. Pulling herself up, she leaned her head to the back of the couch, groaning at the pain she felt in her hips every morning. 

"I don't know why you gotta be so stubborn. I told you I'd sleep out here," Sharky said softly. 

Hannah jumped, not realizing he had been sitting in the chair across from her; one hand scratching behind Boomer's ears. 

"You're more of a lady than me, Boshaw. Keep the bed. Plus, I'm pretty sure Boom would rather sleep in there with you anyhow."

"Aww, he's just the best, ain't he? I'm glad you let me pick him up and bring him here. And you know, anytime you need some.. I dunno, Jake and Hannie sexy time or whatever the hell you two do up in that creepy old place, you could let me watch him."

Boomer cocked his head to the side, glancing back to Sharky. The two watched each other as if communicating telepathically before Sharky let a wide grin spread over his face. 

"I might just take you up on that. I may need a day or two to get some things done. Would you mind?" 

"No problemo! Sharky is here to serve," he said proudly, bringing his face down to Boomer. "You're a lot better company than that cuz of mine, boy... smell a lot better too."

Hannah smiled again, happy that her companion would be well taken care of while she did what she had to. As much as she hated to admit it, it was time to see the only person who Jacob might have opened up to: Joseph.


	3. Chapter 3

"Gonna miss you, Dep," Sharky told her, leaning into the car window. He glanced back to Boomer who was sitting on the porch where she had asked him to stay. "Your buddy will too."

"I'm going to miss you both too. I'll be back in a day or two though, okay?"

Sharky straightened and peered over the car and into the woods. "I still don't like the idea of you visiting Broseph by yourself."

"It's not like in his enemy anymore," Hannah reasoned but thought it over, knowing her friend always had the same repulsion for "The Father" she did. "Jake would never let anything happen."

"I don't get you two… never will, but you're not wrong, Hannie," he agreed. "Jacob's the best protection you got in this county."

She smiled, not knowing what else to say when Sharky hinted at his disapproval of her choice in romantic partners. Nodding back to him, she turned on the car and waited until he backed away before heading out, forcing herself not to look in the rearview mirror. She had decided to go home first to get a proper shower and clean clothes - rather than the ones she had been borrowing - and would visit the Compound unannounced, hoping to get a moment of honesty from Joseph rather than give him time to prepare the speech she was sure he would concoct. 

Hannah turned on the car radio, slowing to a crawl as she shifted through the normal songs the Project always broadcasted. They had grown on her as much as she hated to admit it, but right now she wanted something different. Finally finding one of Wheaty's channels, she stepped on the gas and flooded it through the rolling hills of the Henbane until she reached the border and made her way into the Whitetails once more. 

\---

Jacob stood in his office, radio in hand as he casually sifted through the notes that had been scribbled madly over the past week at his hand. "Where is she?"

"She's left Boshaw's trailer. Headed to the mountains. Moore's been notified to tail her once she crosses the border."

"Good. I want protection on her at all times, is that clear? These Whitetail idiots are unpredictable. I can't chance anything," Jacob rasped, thinking about how Eli and company had abandoned her once she had decided to shack up with him. He cracked his knuckles, thinking of how upset she had been at the time, even though she would never admit it. 

"Yes Sir."

Jacob set the radio down and turned to assess the state of his office - books and papers tossed about, desk overturned. He hadn't remembered any of it, and that scared him more than the fact that he was coming unraveled. It was a moment of weakness for him, and one he couldn't afford again. Not when there were things in his life that mattered now. 

\---

Hannah pulled the car over to the side of the road at the bottom of the hill leading up to her home. She would normally have driven most of the way, having cut back the trees and brush to make room for her vehicle but now there was something she had to take care of. 

About fifteen minutes back, she had noticed the truck for the first time; driving slowly behind her at an unreasonable amount of distance. There wasn't a doubt in her mind what that meant or who had sent them but in her current state of mind, Hannah couldn't help but confront the person who had been tailing her. 

Hopping out onto the road, she slammed the car door and stood between lanes, waiting for the truck to approach. As it did, her jaw set firmly at the sight of the same woman who had accompanied Jacob to church the week before. Fire coursed through her veins as the truck approached, veering to one side of the road to drive past. Absently, Hannah moved to block its way, causing the driver to brake quickly. 

"Get out," Hannah called over, glancing over her shoulder and back to the woman who was now parking the vehicle and stepping out to join her. 

"Get inside before you get us both in trouble," the Chosen ordered as she approached. When Hannah continued to stare her down, unmoving, the woman sighed and tilted her face to the clouds that drifted above. "Jacob will have my head if anything happens to his little princess. But you know that already, so kindly go to your cabin so I can keep watch."

"No," Hannah said slowly and quietly. "This is my property. I don't care what Jacob asked you to do… you get off of it and stay off of it. The mood I'm in, I'd have no qualms about blowing your kneecaps out."

The Chosen laughed, shaking her head as if in disbelief. "And here I heard what a sweetheart you were. So soft spoken and kind. I could never understand why Jacob would make an exception for someone like that but here you are, ballsy as anything in the middle of the road. Good for you."

Hannah stared in disbelief, not sure whether to laugh along with her or punch her out. As her mind weighed the decision, she thought back to her first sighting of the woman and the feelings that had haunted her since. Yes, John Seed was right - envy was her sin. 

Slowly and deliberately, Hannah closed the distance between them, keeping her gaze fixed on the caramel coloured eyes that stared back. When she was close enough to reach out and grab her if needed, Hannah stopped and spoke evenly, "I told you once and I won't again. This is my property. And if you need another reminder, _he_ is my property too. You'll do well to remember it."

The woman blinked in Hannah's direction but before she could speak, the deputy stormed over to her car and slammed the door behind her. When her car was out of sight, she picked up the radio to let Jacob know she still had eyes on Hannah. "Sir? She's at her cabin. She knows I'm here and lets just say she's not too happy about it."

"Leaver her," Jacob replied. "I'm on my way."


	4. Chapter 4

The water was far too hot against her skin but Hannah welcomed it, letting the discomfort pull her away from her own mind; if only for the few minutes her shower lasted. Water had always been therapeutic to her; either by swimming or just relaxing in a bath. Nothing seems to calm her quite like the feeling it gave her as it washed over her body; releasing some of the pent up anger she felt. 

Stepping out onto the cold tiled floor, she glanced around until she found a clean bath towel and started drying her hair as she stepped out into the main room of the house, enjoying the feel of the cool air against her hot skin. 

Bending over, she let the towel rub furiously through were tangle of waves that had grown too long for her liking and finally straightened to see Jacob sitting casually on the bed, watching her move. 

"Jesus!" she squealed, wrapping the towel around herself. "Knock next time."

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked, ignoring her angry tone. He nodded in the direction of the clothes she had laid out on the kitchen counter; definitely nicer than her usual hoodie and jeans. 

"No where," she lied, crossing the room to grab her bra and panties from the stack of clothes. Quickly pulling on her boyshorts under the towel she wrapped her bra around herself and cursed under her breath as she struggled to pull it against her wet skin. 

Jacob stood and moved behind her, giving her a gentle "here" as he grabbed at the fabric and fastened her hooks. When the last one was closed, she ripped herself from his hands, spinning on a heel as she backed away with an icy look in his direction.

"I think you should go."

"We need to talk," Jacob explained, holding a hand out to her as if she we a cornered animal. When she stepped back again, he let it drop and watched her with his pale blue eyes. In all their time together, he had never seen her this angry. Even when they had their usual arguments about Joseph or the Project, she hadn't shut down like this. 

"We _should_ have talked when I came to you days ago. We _should_ have talked before you sent me away and we definitely should have talked before you showed up to church with that bitch on your arm," she shot back, clutching her towel to her chest. Why was his expression making her uneasy? Normally the way he stared at her sent butterflies coursing through her belly, but now she was ready to kick him out the door. 

"Is that what this is about? Why you left me for Boshaw? Again?" he asked calmly. She thought back on all the times they had fought in the past and who she had always turned to. Sometimes Adelaide, sometimes the Ryes but mostly Sharky and Hurk because they made her laugh and forget about her anger and hurt, if even for a short time. Never did she suspect he might be unhappy with that. Biting her lip, she turned to face the wall, mulling over his words. Jacob cleared his throat softly. "She's a new recruit. I needed to show her the ropes… like I always do."

"Just seems real suspicious, Jake," Hannah spat, brushing past him hurriedly to grab the rest of her clothes and dress quickly. As she pulled on her jeans, she glanced back to Jacob who was still watching her. "You pushed me away… kicked me out…"

"I didn't…"

"You fucking did!" Hannah screamed in disbelief. How could he forget telling her they were basically on a break. Quickly, she pulled on the plaid button up shirt and threw the towel on the floor in the direction of the bathroom. "You told me you needed a break from me. I did fuck all to you. You said you needed to be alone but then you can be around your family? And around.. her?" 

"I'm protecting you, Han. I…"

"Get out."

She stood, staring at the floor, unable to look in the direction of the man she cared so much about. He knew how much it took to set her over the edge; her patience ran deep, but now that she was hurt, all she cared about was being alone again. 

Jacob watched for a long minute as she refused to meet his eyes, feeling something dark stirring inside his chest. He forced his body to still, focusing on his breaths. Focusing on staying calm as his anger flared. 

"Hannah," he said, giving it one final try before he would leave. 

"I can't do this Jacob," she said, just above a whisper. "I've given you everything. Literally, everything I still had left in this world. All I've ever wanted was for you to need me as much as I do you but if this is how you show that…. it's... too much for me to handle."

Before she had a chance to face him, strong hands were grasping at her shoulders as he dug his fingertips into her skin. His breath came hot against her face as she turned to him, open mouthed at the expression on his face. 

"I'm not lettin' you go," he hissed, bringing his face closer to hers. "You have to understand. There is no one else for me. No one."

"Jacob, just stop," she ordered, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. Below his fingertips, her shoulders started to ache. 

"I'm protecting you…"

"Fuck," Hannah breathed, pushing at his chest. "From what?!"

"From me!" he bellowed, dropping his hands. Hannah stared back, wide eyed as his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. The wild look in his eyes sent a wave of pain through her as she realized for the first time that maybe none of this had been about her at all.

Carefully, she placed a palm to Jacob's chest, watching as his breaths grew ragged and shallow. He watched her hand as if she were a mirage, given to him when all hope was lost. Swallowing hard, he realized he had lost control again. And even though he had, she was still here. Just like she always was. 

Dropping to his knees, Jacob wrapped his arms around her thighs tightly as he laid a cheek to her stomach, murmuring apologies. 

"Jake, what's been happening? You can talk to me," Hannah said quietly. She allowed her hand to stroke through his messy hair as his shoulders began to shake silently against her. She wasn't sure but it felt like the motions of a man sobbing at her feet. 

"I'm losing control," he said weakly, still clinging to her. His voice cracked as he continued. "I can't hurt you."

"Jake," Hannah whispered, pulling back enough to join him on her knees. He kept his eyes on the floor until she brought his face between her palms and forced him to look at her with glossy eyes. "I trust you. You being concerned about that speaks volumes. You would never hurt me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You wouldn't have left my side, Han. I couldn't have that."

"Of course I wouldn't have. Jake, you made me feel like… I just thought you didn't want me anymore."

Jacob lifted his chin from her hands, watching her in disbelief. All this time, he had worried what he might do if she were in his bed while he dreamt of the memories that haunted him. Or if he blacked out and lost control. But he had hurt her regardless. He saw that now. 

"I always want you. Nothing's changed."

"Then you need to let me in. You need to let me help you, like you help me."

He sighed, leaning back on his heels. Finally tilting his face up to the ceiling, he nodded with a huff. She knew the truth now and would never allow him the space he knew he should put between them. There was no use arguing. Jacob looked down slowly until his eyes were fixed on her worried face. 

She was so selfless. So the genuine and caring. At first he saw it as a weakness but now he understood that it was her strength. 

"Come home with me."

Hannah nodded, reaching a hand to his cheek but letting it drop when she watched his body tense. "Jake... I was ready to leave her bloody in the road."

"I know," he chuckled weakly. "You have nothing to worry about. It's you... Only you."

She smiled, watching him carefully as his eyes dropped again to the floor. 

Her broken soldier.


End file.
